June 27
Ok, finally something.
Astral projecting? Flying through darkness, the usual thing. This time i am further exploring the hypothesis that when I speak in this state, I actually speak in the real world, lying in bed. I begin to speak words, incantations that seem to form of their own will. I try to sense the lips of my sleeping body moving, and wonder what some one would hear if they were in the bedroom with me. I realize that this is the most powerful use of this state; as a place to state affirmations and intentions for manifestation, to weave spells and incantations. For years, almost a decade now, I've been experiencing this state passively. As something that just happens to me, as I wait for it to end. Now I suddenly have a use for it.
This followed by a short segment about being in a cross between the DC and a sort of school library. A young blonde girl is there, 5 or 6. I realize this must be a child version of Priscilla. See is scared and wants to be taken somewhere safe. I pick here up and fly through the layer of reality toward some unknown safe destination. We arrive in a reality that is essentially identical to the one we just left. It looks the safe, except that the threat is no longer present. I leave her here and go through swinging doors into a zoo, in a sort of reptile room.
There are giant shoebills in one enclosure. Other animals that I don't remember. There is an open enclosure with large commodo dragons, maybe twice normal size or so. they start to climb out and start sort of poking at me. My mom is there. They seem docile but I wonder if i should press a emergency button nearby. Then they start holding me loosely in their jaws, one biting my left arm, the other biting my rib cage on the right side. Suddenly I realize what this is; they are waiting for permission to eat me. This is what I've been trying to get to for months. I try to "let them in" but, trying to signal to them to just do it. But I can't will myself to want to pain enough. I could see that just not running wouldn't be enough, I would have to on some level become an active participant. I just couldn't summon a strong enough desire for physical pain, so they just keep holding me in their jaws, and I can't will them to do more. At this point I started to despair, because I know I thought I could this, and said " I'm sorry Erin" , then I wake up.
What I learned from this is that I will probably have to first learn to dissolve my form, or soften or break it down, then combine that with the experience of being eaten by an animal.
Astral projecting? Flying through darkness, the usual thing. This time i am further exploring the hypothesis that when I speak in this state, I actually speak in the real world, lying in bed. I begin to speak words, incantations that seem to form of their own will. I try to sense the lips of my sleeping body moving, and wonder what some one would hear if they were in the bedroom with me. I realize that this is the most powerful use of this state; as a place to state affirmations and intentions for manifestation, to weave spells and incantations. For years, almost a decade now, I've been experiencing this state passively. As something that just happens to me, as I wait for it to end. Now I suddenly have a use for it.
This followed by a short segment about being in a cross between the DC and a sort of school library. A young blonde girl is there, 5 or 6. I realize this must be a child version of Priscilla. See is scared and wants to be taken somewhere safe. I pick here up and fly through the layer of reality toward some unknown safe destination. We arrive in a reality that is essentially identical to the one we just left. It looks the safe, except that the threat is no longer present. I leave her here and go through swinging doors into a zoo, in a sort of reptile room.
There are giant shoebills in one enclosure. Other animals that I don't remember. There is an open enclosure with large commodo dragons, maybe twice normal size or so. they start to climb out and start sort of poking at me. My mom is there. They seem docile but I wonder if i should press a emergency button nearby. Then they start holding me loosely in their jaws, one biting my left arm, the other biting my rib cage on the right side. Suddenly I realize what this is; they are waiting for permission to eat me. This is what I've been trying to get to for months. I try to "let them in" but, trying to signal to them to just do it. But I can't will myself to want to pain enough. I could see that just not running wouldn't be enough, I would have to on some level become an active participant. I just couldn't summon a strong enough desire for physical pain, so they just keep holding me in their jaws, and I can't will them to do more. At this point I started to despair, because I know I thought I could this, and said " I'm sorry Erin" , then I wake up.
What I learned from this is that I will probably have to first learn to dissolve my form, or soften or break it down, then combine that with the experience of being eaten by an animal.
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